Thursday, 24 November 2011

Love our kids enough to teach Resilience & Coping Skills

       Tomorrow IS Another Day, Grateful for A NEW Day to          come..... the Weather is Blue and So are the Moods....

        Randomly Rapid, Rampart Tantrum has erupted!
      ( no not me , even though fighting the urge )       
     Which is completely compounded by the fact that the almost six year old has been suffering with being quite ill this past week, but ultimately pure & innocently ignited from a single spark ( a butterfly beats its wings in a forest you know this one) over a misinterpreted, misunderstood thought, it leads straight to stuck in the moment feelings of severely bugged & personally insulted beyond belief.         Fearfully saying to siblings" Stop Staring at me that's being mean"! for maybe stubbing his toe/similar, it becomes a major distressing episode, ( still developing to distinguish empathy from apathy in an instant) something we take for granted , we think its  a natural instinct?......getting completely & utterly absorbed within, nothing else exists in that moment, must be like self torture at times.
    All seasons in one day, just like the changing moods around here. To merely say 'that's just life get over it'! For with a certain general literal interpretation of human feelings is to say this is how you will always feel, this prospect must be both scary & confusing to say the least. Life is so much broader than this & that makes it so unique.
    Analogies work a treat I find with  current chosen obsession/ philanthropist tendency!? Reading the appropriate 'Feelings Books' from the series by  clever Author Trace Moroney helps as well, she advocates that children feeling valuable even by us simply listening to them, success follows people who genuinely like who they are. I love this point in particular. On the same point though Happiness is much more than just being successful. Helping them gain self-trust & positive self esteem which they need to handle failure, loss, shame, difficulty and defeat are equally important as well as painful feelings- anger fear and sadness - they gain inner security that allows them to embrace the world in which we live.

When life's strong winds come blowing, bend with them, & let go. By bending you will become stronger in new places. 
By letting go, you will be making room for the new & better.
Words by best selling Author Karen Salmansohn 
more inspiration @

       I can still be taken by surprise by the inability; after coming so far too; to anticipate onset & then the much recalled adrenaline surge which helps to unleash my highly trained 'catch-up on vibe fast ' skill. This thankfully distracts me from the familiar old feeling of just wanting to creep away to my quiet time out place for maybe half a day.....but you know whats needed in this moment for the betterment of all is to stand firm going with the happenings. So I do!
      Now is the time the safety zone has been set up in his mind, for his personality to now process the pent up emotion from the highly charged events of the day, its a constant learning curb we are thrown daily as the parenting ones. Its what we do with that well intended passion & energy is simply the key.
     So suffice to say it can all be set up to implode well before, making for a very spontaneous home atmosphere over past several years I assure you, never never never a dull moment....the unpredictability of life, hang on & learn to ride the waves of life!
      A typical unhealthy relationship has developed which is not a positive influence for both parties & frankly the opposite social/good friend mentoring we are practising @ home.
       But I DO want us to teach intolerance when it comes to these overpowering, aggressive, bullying personalities often through no fault of their own really. Often we think that when they leave that class / new school to the extreme, but Bullying types will always be around & throughout general life whatever your age.
      So our new family policy is to instil good coping skills & self preservation too. I now trying to instill a sense of comedy as well all the time standing tall & firm for the truth. Simple!?  blah blah yuk.
       All this time keeping their own temper & emotions controlled........Self soothing can come into play really effectively...........Many deep breathes first .............then try to practise separating self from given situation, but when you then hear "he follows me, he follows me, I can't get away from him  mummy"! then.. after personally recomposing from a hit for yet another six.......I reaffirm again ' try then using strong loud words' in order to express your unhappiness & Remember inform an adult straight away if continues. It could all pay off for them after several years in training & lots of situations to practise on.
     Becoming less of a target can be key to coping as well. My thoughts still come, this tends to become coping by detaching from the emotion of the still full tilt meld down happenings. My sense of wanting things to be better come from knowing it does change for the better after the hard yards are put in.
    So now I chant in the privacy of my own mind...Loving Kindness... Loving Kindness......Loving Kindness because knowing that this moment will pass with the promise of serenity again, now would be fine please! Well we all know that chanting all sorts of positive affirmations does soothe.
     Feeling somewhat content after making new apt with one of the much trusted & respected arm chair past professionals for a review in order to reinforce & support some new/ever evolving coping skills needed. Unbeknown to me whilst all these other moods are transpiring now we revisit the devastation felt when the favourite cartoon was missed & "it isn't on tomorrow Mum"! So here we go .... more Deep Breaths once & out, out & in....I too feel the need to join in this time......trying the gently smile trick! ;)
           Maybe just another western Buddhism student learning the impermanence of all things! With the practice of doing the tough parenting & for children to see the art of falling down, dusting ones self off & jumping straight back onto the horse! COPING skills, to be resilient, good, strong mentors around them who they have invested so much trust CAN be done.  Not letting the rose coloured cloud form too thick & low.........keeping yourself plugged into reality.
      Finally the ritual of brewing a cuppa has brought me back to a happy place, a good self medicated dose of 'Tension Tamer Tea' & then...I feel the need for Cacao (Oh my endorphins,  I can almost hear them singing!) worked a treat with me & also, just the tea, to my cuddly client,
       Special Note To Self : up the fish oil dose & also wouldn't hurt for all of us as well, just a feeling!  He now soundly Sleeps, therefore I sleep, night night all.