Thursday, 24 November 2011

Love our kids enough to teach Resilience & Coping Skills

       Tomorrow IS Another Day, Grateful for A NEW Day to          come..... the Weather is Blue and So are the Moods....

        Randomly Rapid, Rampart Tantrum has erupted!
      ( no not me , even though fighting the urge )       
     Which is completely compounded by the fact that the almost six year old has been suffering with being quite ill this past week, but ultimately pure & innocently ignited from a single spark ( a butterfly beats its wings in a forest you know this one) over a misinterpreted, misunderstood thought, it leads straight to stuck in the moment feelings of severely bugged & personally insulted beyond belief.         Fearfully saying to siblings" Stop Staring at me that's being mean"! for maybe stubbing his toe/similar, it becomes a major distressing episode, ( still developing to distinguish empathy from apathy in an instant) something we take for granted , we think its  a natural instinct?......getting completely & utterly absorbed within, nothing else exists in that moment, must be like self torture at times.
    All seasons in one day, just like the changing moods around here. To merely say 'that's just life get over it'! For with a certain general literal interpretation of human feelings is to say this is how you will always feel, this prospect must be both scary & confusing to say the least. Life is so much broader than this & that makes it so unique.
    Analogies work a treat I find with  current chosen obsession/ philanthropist tendency!? Reading the appropriate 'Feelings Books' from the series by  clever Author Trace Moroney helps as well, she advocates that children feeling valuable even by us simply listening to them, success follows people who genuinely like who they are. I love this point in particular. On the same point though Happiness is much more than just being successful. Helping them gain self-trust & positive self esteem which they need to handle failure, loss, shame, difficulty and defeat are equally important as well as painful feelings- anger fear and sadness - they gain inner security that allows them to embrace the world in which we live.

When life's strong winds come blowing, bend with them, & let go. By bending you will become stronger in new places. 
By letting go, you will be making room for the new & better.
Words by best selling Author Karen Salmansohn 
more inspiration @

       I can still be taken by surprise by the inability; after coming so far too; to anticipate onset & then the much recalled adrenaline surge which helps to unleash my highly trained 'catch-up on vibe fast ' skill. This thankfully distracts me from the familiar old feeling of just wanting to creep away to my quiet time out place for maybe half a day.....but you know whats needed in this moment for the betterment of all is to stand firm going with the happenings. So I do!
      Now is the time the safety zone has been set up in his mind, for his personality to now process the pent up emotion from the highly charged events of the day, its a constant learning curb we are thrown daily as the parenting ones. Its what we do with that well intended passion & energy is simply the key.
     So suffice to say it can all be set up to implode well before, making for a very spontaneous home atmosphere over past several years I assure you, never never never a dull moment....the unpredictability of life, hang on & learn to ride the waves of life!
      A typical unhealthy relationship has developed which is not a positive influence for both parties & frankly the opposite social/good friend mentoring we are practising @ home.
       But I DO want us to teach intolerance when it comes to these overpowering, aggressive, bullying personalities often through no fault of their own really. Often we think that when they leave that class / new school to the extreme, but Bullying types will always be around & throughout general life whatever your age.
      So our new family policy is to instil good coping skills & self preservation too. I now trying to instill a sense of comedy as well all the time standing tall & firm for the truth. Simple!?  blah blah yuk.
       All this time keeping their own temper & emotions controlled........Self soothing can come into play really effectively...........Many deep breathes first .............then try to practise separating self from given situation, but when you then hear "he follows me, he follows me, I can't get away from him  mummy"! then.. after personally recomposing from a hit for yet another six.......I reaffirm again ' try then using strong loud words' in order to express your unhappiness & Remember inform an adult straight away if continues. It could all pay off for them after several years in training & lots of situations to practise on.
     Becoming less of a target can be key to coping as well. My thoughts still come, this tends to become coping by detaching from the emotion of the still full tilt meld down happenings. My sense of wanting things to be better come from knowing it does change for the better after the hard yards are put in.
    So now I chant in the privacy of my own mind...Loving Kindness... Loving Kindness......Loving Kindness because knowing that this moment will pass with the promise of serenity again, now would be fine please! Well we all know that chanting all sorts of positive affirmations does soothe.
     Feeling somewhat content after making new apt with one of the much trusted & respected arm chair past professionals for a review in order to reinforce & support some new/ever evolving coping skills needed. Unbeknown to me whilst all these other moods are transpiring now we revisit the devastation felt when the favourite cartoon was missed & "it isn't on tomorrow Mum"! So here we go .... more Deep Breaths once & out, out & in....I too feel the need to join in this time......trying the gently smile trick! ;)
           Maybe just another western Buddhism student learning the impermanence of all things! With the practice of doing the tough parenting & for children to see the art of falling down, dusting ones self off & jumping straight back onto the horse! COPING skills, to be resilient, good, strong mentors around them who they have invested so much trust CAN be done.  Not letting the rose coloured cloud form too thick & low.........keeping yourself plugged into reality.
      Finally the ritual of brewing a cuppa has brought me back to a happy place, a good self medicated dose of 'Tension Tamer Tea' & then...I feel the need for Cacao (Oh my endorphins,  I can almost hear them singing!) worked a treat with me & also, just the tea, to my cuddly client,
       Special Note To Self : up the fish oil dose & also wouldn't hurt for all of us as well, just a feeling!  He now soundly Sleeps, therefore I sleep, night night all.

Sunday, 20 November 2011

Silly Singing Sunday Morning

   Musical theme today in our household...Hubbie & I are keeping the silly twists going with making all our parenting comments into our very own Opera.....Aahh when will they learn?, aahh when will they learn?....its very important!, its very important!....we say that our children do hear us..... but we often wonder where are we going with this....we need to just trust & let it go.
    So even as our eldest is horrified (because thats what her mood tells her she should do) she cannot help but smile, although still hiding her head so as not to seem to be secretly enjoying it, #2 daughter does like to make drama into a sport so she can tend to hold firm longer, even though the sparkle in her eye is certainly there. All the while youngest just says "Mum Mum "with a huge beaming grin & is thoroughly entertained by all the love around & the joy this generates around the home but you know ultimately anything Lego with constructing inventions, does always take preference lets face it!!
   On goes the TV! huh.. there is That's Entertainment II on with the appropriate best snippets from Musicals, comedians of great & show tunes.....just love it when our lives imitate art, so I guess after such a serious week for this professional team..we obviously needed a well deserved release.

So Good Morning Good Morning, to you & you & you....Wishing you are enjoying your own quirkiness today. Who could ask for anything more....

Friday, 18 November 2011

what a relief not to hear the regular chant I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL tomorrow!

It feels so marvellous to be snuggling with kids & be released from the regular chants from youngest SCHOOL IS BORING & EVERYONE IS MEAN TO ME every morning....his heightened perception of specific fleeting events with male peers @ 5 years( kinder)bringing out certain traits which have been behind us for over a year now, very expected with all that is in the curriculum for first time learners of readers, writers & social prompting skills( playground antics). Small steps forward becoming aware & conscious NOT to become cave woman protector Bear cub woman!! Trusting in several years of early intervention, touching base with professionals to keep me sane & keep the little bloke on track with his coping skills constantly......forever evolving as he gets older & wiser! It is amazing to see my girls growing up as older sisters with these unique family dynamics, they seem to be wise & see life with openness & maturity way beyond their years! Its all a normal sibling rivalry household believe me but the issues seem to be tackled head on & come to a head more quickly these days....humour is the key because if life is taken too seriously it can simply do your head in !!!! Working full-time as a School Learning Support Officer for special needs @ local main stream schools Kinder to Year6 now ironically going back to a career that I briefly visited BC ( beforekids) & before running our family business . My knowledge @ home in the frontline has been invaluable in working with these precious individuals again who have such a unique quirky way of looking @ the world & we can all learn from the diveristy which is Autism....gently smile @ the world it does help!! <3